In my first post, “How to Be A Christian Wife in 7 Easy Steps”, I discussed
STEP 1 – TAKE A POLL!
How did you do? I know it is difficult to hear challenging things about ourselves, but it is always helpful if it is done in love. If you’d prefer to spend some time in prayer and God’s Word so that any issues are brought to light vs. inquiring of someone else’s opinion, then please take some time to complete this important step. If you are reading this and have a wonderful and joyful Christian marriage then, please leave helpful advice in the comments section. If you are struggling in your marriage continue to pray for guidance and seek God’s Word and continue along with this series for encouragement. At the end of this article you can subscribe so you won’t miss a post. Now, on to Step 2.
STEP 2 - THE STOP METHOD
Okay, so what is the STOP METHOD? Well, let me tell you what it stands for and then we will talk about each one. It stands for Silence, Talk, Obey and Practice. Whose method is this? It’s mine. What is it based on? It is based on studying God’s Word, being in prayer, my help meet small group discussions and my trials and errors. I am not a Pastor’s wife, or a Christian Marriage Counselor and I do not have a Master’s in Divinity or any letters behind my name. But I feel qualified to share with you because God gave us the Word so that we could study it, meditate on it and apply it. The whole future of the gospel of Christ was left in the hands of “unlearned men” i.e fishermen. Surely, this humble housewife can rightly divide the Word, with the Holy Spirit’s guidance, to share with others.
Silence - In Ecclesiastes 3:7 it reads “…A time to keep silence, And a time to speak.” It is very important to know when and how to do both of these things. You may be right, you may have a great point or a better perspective. You may even think that you are smarter than your husband. But none of that matters if you want a harmonious and joyful marriage. When he says he wants to do something that you think is foolish, spontaneous, not a good way to spend the family’s money etc… Just KEEP quiet. If this is hard for you then, simply say “Whatever you think is best dear.” And mean it! Now, he is free to follow through on these thoughts or actions without any negative feedback. If he ends up following through on whatever it is just remember that he is responsible to God for what he does in his marriage and with the family. The Lord put him as the head. That is a lot of responsibility that I am grateful not to have. Aren’t you?
Okay, you need a practical example? Here’s a real life before and after conversation I’ve had with my husband about a purchase. This first conversation is from August 2011. The second conversation was just the other day. How do I know the dates? I have the receipts!
Hubby: I just bought Magic Jack for our phones. It is great and will save us money.
Me: What? What is Magic Jack and how will it save us money?
Hubby: It’s a voice over IP system. I signed up for five years because the price was good.
Me: You committed to five years?! What if it doesn’t work? What if this company isn’t around in five years?! How much did you spend?
Hubby: They’ll be around and it cost $99.
Me: That’s a lot of money just for phones. Are you sure it can fit in the budget?
Hubby: What do you mean it’s a lot of money? That’s the total cost. There’s no local cost, no long distance. That’s it.
Me: Grimace.
Hubby: Walks away shaking his head.
Did I forget to mention that my husband is a Telecommunications Engineer? He does phones for a living! He knows all about technology and has done this for 25 years! Why on earth am I questioning his decision-making process in an area where he is an expert?!!
Okay, so here is the conversation we had the other day. I was looking at the checking account and saw a charge for something I wasn’t familiar with.
Me: Honey, what is this charge here in the checking out?
Hubby: Oh, it’s a renewal for Magic Jack. They have a great deal going on so I renewed for five years again.
Me: Okay. (with a smile)
Yep, that’s it!! I kept quiet. It’s none of my business. He knows what he is doing. He does the finances now. (More on that later). Why should I interfere? This time he walks away with a smile and there is no tension in our marriage.
“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;” James 1:19
You might be thinking “What if he really wants my opinion on this topic?” Or “My husband really values my opinion. What if he really wants to know what I think?”
Well, we will cover that in the next post. The ‘T’ for Talk in the STOP Method. Please, come back and join us with your insight, comment or advice. And I have a challenge for you. Why don’t you try being silent this week? Or how about a whole day? Still too hard? How about an hour? Really, try it with me. If it’s nothing that warrants your opinion or comment try keeping silent or simply say “Okay dear. Whatever you think is best.”
I am linking this post up this week with my favorite group of encouraging women. I really need to start a blog roll.
On Monday with Joan Davis:
On Tuesday with:
On Wednesday with:
On Thursday with:
On Friday with:
Your post made me think of the old adage: “Pick your battles!” or “Don’t sweat the small stuff!” You are right. Sometimes it is best to simply keep quiet — especially in this case where he is the one in charge of the finances. It can be hard for us ladies, though. The best advice I can think of is to always look to God. He will be our guide…the instructions are in His book. Harmony is reached when we allow our husbands to lead. God will never ask us to do something that is against His law at our husband’s request, but for the everyday situations like the one you described, submission (ooooh, we don’t like that word, do we?) is the best way.
Yes, Joan so true. “Don’t sweat the small stuff”. I have been guilty of sweating the small stuff as in my example and even the big stuff at times that I really didn’t need to worry about. It took me a long time to know and understand what submission really means. And I am still learning and dealing with actually doing it. I think it’s because we have the wrong idea sometimes about what it means. I agree so much when you said that “Harmony is reached when we allow our husbands to lead.” So true. And agreement with your other comment “God will never ask us to do something that is against His law at our husband’s request”. That should never happen. Submission should always be within God’s Word and brings honor to Him and to the husband and family as a whole.
Thanks for the reminder, Sheri. Now if you could come and live in my head for the day, I might actually remember to keep my mouth shut BEFORE I open it! I struggle with discerning when to keep silent and when to share what I am thinking. Looking forward to your next post!
LOL! Yeah, I know. That’s the tough part remembering not to do it before you do it. I am still learning and struggling as well when to keep silent. It is so wonderful that God gives me plenty of opportunities to get it right.
Love the post. BTW we have Magic Jack and it’s worked out great for us and saved us a TON of $$ : )
Thank you KM. And LOL! to the Magic Jack. That’s great! So, there’s money to be saved? Well, I am so glad that my hubby was right! And that I left it alone.
It’s a good practice for both partners in the marriage to be slow to speak — as well as to hold our tongue when we’re not motivated by love. Thanks for the reminder! (visiting from TPT)
Thank you for stopping by Kim. And yes, I do agree that it is good practice for BOTH husband and wife to be slow to speak. However, I am just writing from my viewpoint of the wife, because I cannot control what my husband may do or say. I can only focus on my conduct as a Christian wife and be an example of a gentle and quiet spirit that may win my hubby over if there is anything in him that needs to be chastened by God. God Bless.
Being quiet is one of my biggest struggles. It’s a struggle across the board – with teens, too! However, one of the things that’s helped me to be quiet, is to take my concerns to God, that if there is a problem, to please show it to my husband.
Yes, this is one of my biggest struggles too.
Thank you for that great advice about going to God with our problems and trusting in Him to be the one to show it to our husbands.
I often struggle with speaking out when I know I should be quiet. My husband and I will soon celebrate 28 years of marriage and we’ve had our share of disagreements. Someone gave us some good advice before we were married and that was “don’t go to bed angry.” Whenever we’ve had a disagreement, we always attempt to settle it before night or before we leave for work, etc. While me may not have the matter completely resolved, we do know that we are willing to work together to bring about a resolution. I love your STOP acronym.
Blessings,
Joan
Hi Joan. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with 28 years of marriage. I must admit I don’t always do so well with not going to bed angry.
But I am improving as time goes on. God bless.
I sure struggle with this kind of thing. Goes against everything society shoves in our faces every day. I guess I don’t get the “it’s none of my business” part. Man, that’d be hard for my to really feel that it was none of my business. Thanks for the articles and advice
Kayla, the problem is that many Christian women have been lied to about their role as wives. Feminism is so prevalent in our society and there are many Christian women who are feminist. This flies in the face of our God given role of wives and mothers. I know this is tough to hear because we are bombarded with the lie from society everyday. When I say “it’s none of my business” it’s true. When you are truly living in your role as a wife as God intended and not as man would have you believe you will let your husband lead. You will trust him to make decisions for the family. You will not worry about those decisions because you know that he is ultimately responsible to God for what happens with the family. My role is a wife who supports her husband. My role is a Mother who takes care of her children and home. There are things that are my business and my husband discusses those things with me. But simple things like a phone plan when that is his specialty really doesn’t NEED to be my business. When we truly become helpmeets and follow God’s plans and not the culture’s this way of living and thinking becomes easy, second nature. God tells us not to conform to this world. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2 When we conform to God’s will and God’s plan for marriage then, this kind of thing isn’t a struggle. Thanks for reading and hope that in prayer and meditation in God’s Word you will see His perfect plan for the marriage relationship.
Thank you for your reply, Sheri
I’ve got the head knowledge. Now I just have to work on the living it part! Thanks again.